TV

A show set in somewhere in Egypt with some ape hosts.

Television here is a little wacky. Every time I watch there’s either a cook off, men dressed like women and/or people smacking each other with things.

One program I watched had 8 grown men, about 40 years of age, sporting tutus, long wigs and rollerblades. They were all crowded at the top of a big slide waiting to attack an obstacle course below. Their goal was to roll down the slide and jump through a foam cut out of an outstretched body. Most of the men managed to roll down the slide unscathed except for one; thankfully he was wearing a helmet over his long mane of blonde hair. I think he hurt himself pretty badly but the roaring laugh track and cut aways of pointing and mocking from his competition took away from any evidence of a concussion.

If Jeopardy were a game show in Japan Alex Trebec would have a giant anvil above each contestant and conk them over the head whenever they didn’t phrase their response as a question. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, without knowing a word of Japanese, it’s that people really get a kick out of causing bodily harm to one another. It’s a bit like watching Benny Hill I suppose.

If people aren’t hurling themselves into foam cut outs or hitting each other over the head, they’re eating. You cannot flip through all seven channels without coming across some sort of cook off competition. The iron chef has about 100 different spin off shows here. Often times there are a panels of about 5 people tasting the food and rating it. This seems simple enough until they put on a crazy techno tune and cut away to a leather boy gyrating his hips with his hands behind his head. He’s even sporting a moustache !! It’s like he jumped straight (eh hem) out of a Tom of Finland illustration.

So those are my impressions so far. The only thing I find remotely similar to television in Canada is The Home Shopping Network and David Curuso’s cheesy comments on CSI Miami. “Let’s question the man in the…tutu”, “ I think the victim’s rollerblade may have been…tampered with.”

Listening to Cat Power The Greatest